Sugar Cereal

I love sugar cereal. Some of my favorite foods are sugar cereals. Think about that for a second. Off the top of my head, I can think of three sugar cereals that are among my favorite foods. Three of my favorite foods are from the same category, and that category's target demographic is young children. You know how some adults don't eat sugar cereal? I'm not going to be one of those adults. I don't know what the threshold is for when one starts to eat healthy cereal, but I'm never going to cross it. One of the reasons why I want to have kids is so I have an excuse to buy sugar cereals. I know that there's not a rule where an adult needs children in order to buy sugar cereal, but it just looks a lot less suspicious if I have kids with me when I buy it. Until I have kids, I think I'm just going to pay kids to accompany me to the store. No one else will know the level of creepiness that entails because they'll have no idea I paid them to go to the store with me. So, when everyone looks at me in disgust, I'll just say, "Oh, it's for my kids," and everything will be fine. Also, when I actually have kids, I don't think I'll allow them to eat sugar cereal for two reasons: 1. Less sugar for them, and 2. More sugar cereal for me. My kids will be like, "Daddy, can we have some Reese's Puffs?" and I'll say, "No. You can have some when you're older." Then they'll ask, "Why do we have five boxes if we can't eat any?" and I'll say, "For motivation to live into your twenties. This is why you shouldn't drive 70 mph*," and they'll say, "We can't even drive, Daddy!" and I'll say, "Valid point," and then pour myself a heaping bowl of Reese's Puffs.

As good as the cereal is, the milk left in the bowl is easily the best part about sugar cereal. Like I said, I love sugar cereal, but I am at my happiest after I finish a bowl of cereal and get to drink the leftover milk. My friend and roommate, Ryan Ackman, came up with the greatest idea I've ever heard if you don't count like five other ideas. He conjured up the concept of bottling and selling the leftover milk from a bowl of cereal. I would totally buy that. And drink it.

*My sister, Claire, actually said the bit about not driving 70 mph, and only that part. I came up with literally everything else outside of "this is why you shouldn't drive 70 mph." I know it's not exactly an integral part to the post, but it's there, and I have to give credit where credit is due. So, look at that, Claire! You're pretty much famous, now!