Happy New Year!

Five years ago (I think. I don't really know, but I'm just going to say it's five), I went to Hastings, MN to visit my cousins, the Jacksons, over New Year's Eve weekend. Billy's parents, Evangeline and Randy (my cousins) had plans to go out for the evening, leaving the house to Billy, his little brother, Elijah, his little sister, Shayna, and myself. Billy had asked if he could have his friend, Mike, come over, too. His parents agreed, so Mike was also there. Shayna was in the living room watching movies while Billy, Mike, Elijah, and I were in the basement playing Halo for a while until, inevitably, we got bored. "Hey, let's have a snowball fight!" someone suggested. We all agreed that was a good idea, so the four of us put on our shoes and sweatshirts and went outside. We threw snowballs at each other for probably half an hour until we got bored. I mean, you can only throw snowballs for so long until it becomes monotonous. Billy's house was located right next to the highway that goes through Hastings. Naturally, we started lobbing snowballs onto the highway. At first, it was just to see if we could throw across. It was a six lane highway with a pretty wide median, and we were throwing from a few yards away, so, I mean, don't judge. It was a long toss. Someone - I don't remember who - didn't quite make it all the way across the highway and accidentally hit a car. Then the goal changed - let's see who can hit the most cars. We'd unleash a barrage of snowballs whenever a car passed the house. Once, a car pulled over to turn at the intersection that was a few yards away from Billy's house. The four of us panicked, thinking they were going to yell at us or something, so we ran to seek shelter in the Jackson's large van. We all jumped in and closed the blinds in the windows of the van, peeking out periodically to see if the people were looking for us. They weren't, so we all got out of the van. That rush was incentive enough for us to keep throwing snowballs at cars, and we continued for probably an hour and a half, retreating back to the van a few times.

We were getting ready to go back inside, but decided we'd hit just a few more. We hit one, and I saw it turn at the intersection, but didn't say anything since nothing happened the previous times a car had turned there. We had just missed a car and I was watching it drive away. In the distance, though, I saw three dark figures. I thought they were dogs, so I didn't pay them much attention. We missed another car and I watched that one drive away, too. The dark figures were closer than before and I realized they were people that were sneaking towards us. "Hey, what are those people doing?" I asked. No one knew, but we all had a bad feeling. Mike and Elijah went inside, but Billy and I decided to try to hit just one last car. We hit the very next one. To our surprise and horror, the car pulled over immediately. At that time, the people that were sneaking up on us began sprinting toward us. To this day, I have no idea why Billy and I didn't just go into the house, but we didn't. Instead, we ran behind the house and hid behind the shed in the back yard. The people trying to...attack us...? I guess I don't know what they were trying to do, but those people went around the house to try to cut us off. When we weren't behind the house, they got confused, and we ran inside the house, locked the door, and hid in Billy's parents' room because that was the farthest from the door. Then we heard a pound on the door, and Mike, Elijah, and Shayna wanted to know what was going on. Billy and I came out of the room and looked down the hall. There was a very angry looking man peering in through the window on the door. I told Billy he should answer it. "No! You answer it!"

"No way! It's your house - you answer it!" Finally, Billy and I both answered the door, and the man was livid. This was the guy who was driving the last car we hit - the one that pulled over right away. "What the f*** are you kids doing?! Throwing f***ing snowballs at my G****** car?! I could've f***ing died!" Yeah, he was kind of angry.

"Um, would you mind not swearing? My little siblings are right here..." Billy replied.

"Oh, your little siblings, huh? Well a fine f***ing example you're setting for them, huh?"

"Sir, please leave our house." At this point, Shayna's chihuahua, Sheeba, began to bark at the angry man.

"Oh, is this your dog? I'm gonna eat this f***er for dinner. I'm gonna eat your f***ing dog!"

"Please leave."

"No. I'm gonna call the G****** cops. You're gonna be in big f***ing trouble!" Billy then shut the door and  we went into the living room to explain what happened. We said that the crazy guy was going to eat Sheeba. This greatly upset Shayna. Then we said that he was going to call the cops. This greatly upset Mike. He asked Billy what he was going to do. "I know!" he said, and went downstairs. Mike and I followed him. Once in the basement, Billy turned on his Xbox and started playing Halo. This didn't make Mike very happy. "Halo?! You're playing Halo?! The guy's calling the cops, and you're playing Halo. Billy! I'm gonna get in so much trouble if my mom finds out the cops got called!"

"Well, then don't let your mom find out. Easy!" Seeing that he wasn't going to win this battle, Mike went back upstairs. I sat down and started to watch Billy play. Just as Billy was about to win, Mike came storming back downstairs and turned off the Xbox. "Hey! I was just about to win!" Billy said.

"I don't care! The cops are coming and you're going to do something about it!" demanded Mike.

"Fine!"

The three of us went back upstairs, and as soon as we reached the top step, there was another knock on the door. Billy and I went to answer the door, and we saw three cop cars, four cops, the angry/crazy man, and the three people who were chasing us. Three cop cars? I was curious as to what the angry guy had said on the phone. "So, do you boys know why we're here?" one of the cops asked, trying not to smile.

"Um, because we threw snowballs at cars?" I replied.

"Yes," he said, now stifling laughter. It was clear they didn't think it was necessary that they were called about snowballs when I'm sure they were supposed to be on the lookout for drunk drivers. "Now, why were you throwing snowballs at cars?"

"Ummmmm..." Billy and I both responded.

"Thought it was a good idea at the time?"

"Yeah!"

"But it doesn't seem like a good idea now, does it?" Both of the officers at the door started laughing.

"No..." we said, both chuckling. The cop doing most of the talking then asked the crazy guy and the three people who were chasing us to come over to where we all were.

"Now, was your car damaged at all by the snowballs?" the cop asked the angry man.

"Well, no...but it d*** well could've been!"

"So, no damage was done?"

"No! But-"

"Okay. No damage," the cop said, as he motioned to the other two cops in their cars that they could leave. "And you three - was your car damaged?" These three people had been laughing the whole time because of the ridiculousness of the situation.

"Of course not! It was a snowball! We were just gonna give these guys whities and throw snowballs at them. We thought it was funny."

"Uh-huh, so no damage here either. Alright, I'm gonna take down your names and addresses," the cop said, now talking to Billy and me, but he couldn't find a piece of paper. He ripped the corner off of a used piece of paper he had and handed it to us. "Write small because there's not a lot of room." We both wrote our names and addresses and handed the piece of paper back to the cop, who folded it up and put it in his pocket. I feel like he probably threw it away as soon as he could. "Alright, you boys have a nice night, and stay out of trouble," he said, and was on his way.

When Billy and I got back in the house, we explained to everyone what had happened, and we all agreed that it would be best if nobody's parents knew what had happened.

And then I wrote about it and posted it on the internet for everybody's parents to see.

Heh, oopsies.