Re: South Dakotans Can't Drive

I just want to say that if you're reading this, you're South Dakotan, and you actually can drive, mad props, bro. You're one of the few. Keep on doin' you.

I've written a post about South Dakotans and their inability to function appropriately behind the wheel of a vehicle before. I didn't, however, offer ways for South Dakotans to better themselves as drivers. It's understandable, then, that they still can't drive. I'm going to try to remedy that.

First, though, I have a question. I don't really understand the process that people go through in South Dakota to get their license. Is there actually a process? Does the State Government just send everyone their driver's license regardless of qualifications? Like, "Oh, it's your 12th birthday today*? Here's your driver's license! Good luck out there!" I honestly think that's how it works here. That's now how it should work. I feel like before someone tries to do something that could potentially lead to the death of his/herself and other people, that person should probably learn how to do said thing. There are very basic things that less than 5% of the state's population is capable of doing in a vehicle. I'll give you guys the rundown.

1. Turning, Part 1: Lanes, Part 1
When you turn, there's usually something called a "turning lane." The lane, itself, does not turn. Rather, you are to navigate yourself and your vehicle into this lane to get out of the way of people who are not turning. If you don't move into the turning lane, you're kind of just being a jerk because you're blocking people from going straight by coming to a complete stop to wait for oncoming traffic, and then turning.

2. Turning, Part 1: Lanes, Part 2
When turning onto a street that has multiple lanes in one direction, always turn into the lane closest to you. For example, if you're turning right onto a 4-lane street (two going in each direction), turn into the lane that is most on the right, or "closest to the curb," if you don't know directions. If you're not from South Dakota and you think about it, it makes sense. If you are from South Dakota, I'll explain. If you turn right and turn into the correct lane, a person who is turning onto the same road from the opposite direction can turn into his or her lane at the same time, and nobody will die. If you turn into the wrong lane, you will probably hit the other person turning and everyone involved will die.

3. Turning, Part 2: Blinkers
Literally every single vehicle that can be legally driven in towns (towns are where people live) has a blinker. A blinker, also known as a "turn signal," signals to other drivers that you are going to turn. Wait, what?! Crazy, right? You can actually tell other people that you're going to turn without actually telling them. This way, people (me) won't get mad when they're waiting for you to drive past so they can turn onto a street, only to realize that you're actually turning and not stopping them from turning at all or when you slow down for seemingly no reason and then turn. You see, it seems like there's no reason to your slowing down because you aren't signaling that you're going to turn.

4. Street Signs
These fun things are actually helpful. The point of their existence is to help you as a driver. For example, the sign that says no left turns isn't just saying that to inconvenience you. It's telling you not to make a left turn because you're going to wait there forever, because traffic is ridiculous all the time. However, when you, South Dakotan, inevitably disregard that helpful tip, you keep everyone else from properly making a right turn. And we (I) hate you for it.

5. Speed Limits
Okay, I acknowledge this one isn't just for South Dakotans, but they still need help here. Acceptable speed is +/- 5 mph of the speed limit. That's just kind of a general rule. However, a lot of times people do not adhere to his rule. One time I was literally passed in town because I was going 30 mph in a 25 mph zone, which is a HUGE no-no. Guys, passing in town (remember, towns are where the people live) is a horrible idea BECAUSE TOWNS ARE WHERE THE PEOPLE LIVE. Do you understand this? Your odds of killing someone are way higher in a town because, you know, people live there. Conversely, if you're driving 15 mph in a 35 mph zone (WHICH HAS HAPPENED AN INFURIATING AMOUNT OF TIMES) does not make you any friends. You actually lose friends when you do this, because everyone hates when you do this.

*Today I swear I saw a 12-year-old child driving a truck, which is horrifying on so many levels. Sadly, I wasn't even surprised because, I mean, South Dakota.

License Renewal

I know it's eight days after my birthday, but I finally got my license renewed today. Since it took so long for me to actually get it done, I figured that things would go wrong once I actually made an effort to renew it. Well, nothing major went wrong, but there were definitely a few hiccups. These are those:

1. I thought I had to go to the courthouse to renew my license.
This makes sense, I think. I mean, that's how it is in Litchfield, where I'm from. I also thought I had to go to the courthouse because it was super convenient. Since I'm on a day camp, I spend most of my time at the church. Guess where the church is. Right across the street from the courthouse. So I went over to the courthouse and, since I'm not from Morris, I had no idea how to navigate my way through the courthouse. Luckily, A lady saw me staring at a map of the place in befuddlement and asked if I needed help.

"Yeah, actually. I'm looking to renew my driver's license...?" I tend to trail off and turn statements into questions frequently because I'm just very awkward in conversation settings. I can formulate fragments but then I get lost and just end everything with a "...?"

"Oh, you can't do that here. We do that at the (driver's license place)." I don't remember what she said, but it translates to "driver's license place" in Joe language. She went on to explain where that place was by saying that it was across the street from the post office and the library. That was really confusing because the post office and the library are on opposite sides of the street. Since I knew where the post office and the library were, though, I went in that direction.

2. The door to the driver's license place was "locked."
The License Bureau  (which is what the driver's license place was actually called (the helpful lady didn't call it that)) shares a building with an attorney's office, apparently. I hate when that happens because I'm never confident that I found the right place. That happened this time, but I figured you gotta risk it to get the biscuit, so I walked up to the building. The door said pull. I turned the knob. Well, I tried to turn the knob. It was locked! Confused and distraught, I continued walking around the block. I decided to go to the church without renewing my license, but before I got there I had a change of heart. I continued right around the block back to the Bureau/attorney's office. I looked at the "pull" sign again. I mean really looked at it. I examined the word and thought really hard about it. "Pull." Then it dawned on me: I should pull the door. So I did, without turning the knob! Miraculously, it opened right up and I walked in.

3. Camera malfunction.
I walked up to the counter and the lady asked if she could help me. "Ummm, I'm looking to renew my driver's license...? Is this- can I do that here?" I totally could, and she let me. I filled out the form and stuff and she told me to sit in front of the camera so it could take my picture. That happened. There was a problem though, and it started off as my bad. The lady said not to move until I saw the flash. I moved right before the flash. "That one is a little blurry, let's try again." So we tried again. I didn't move this time. "It's saying that one isn't sharp." That happened for the next three picture attempts. "Let's try it without the chair this time. Just stand there." I did, and it worked. I got my papers and left, and now I have an acceptable replacement for a driver's license.