That Awkward Moment (The Anatomy Of "How Are You?")

I'm a fairly awkward person. Not in the way you're thinking, though, probably. You're probably thinking that I make situations awkward. While that is very much true, that's not why I consider myself awkward. Well, that's not the only reason why I consider myself awkward. For some reason, I seem to always find myself in awkward situations. I've decided that could be attributed to coincidence only so much, leaving me to believe that it happens because I'm awkward. It also happens because I over think just about everything, and there are certain things that seem completely harmless until you over think them.

The best example of this happening is when someone asks me how I'm doing, or how I am. I over think it every time. If you've ever talked to me and asked, "How are you?" odds are high that I replied with either, "Pretty good," or, "Not too bad." Those are my standard responses. Sometimes, if things aren't that great, I'll answer with a, "Not too bad." The emphasis on "too" reveals that I'm not spectacular. That's only on very special occasions - when I really feel like venting.

"Joe, how could you possibly over think the question, 'How are you?'" you may or may not be thinking. Well, you see, if I say, "Not so great," or, "Bad," I feel like whoever asked was just being polite; they don't really care how I feel. Or, they don't care enough to listen to me complain about it. If I say, "Bad," I think they think, "Oh, great. Here's Joe with another problem," which is weird, because I don't have that many problems. Heh, okay, I have "problems," but I don't have problems. You know.

On the flip side, if I reply to, "How are you?" with something like, "Fantastic!" or "Terrific!" I feel like the person will think I'm bragging. Especially if they answered that question first with a, "I'm alright," or whatever. Like, I think they'd interpret my answer as if I'd said, "Oh, you're just fine? Well sucks to be you, doesn't it?! I'm phenomenal. Everything in my life is perfect and way better than yours." Consequently, I'll gently lead into whatever it is that is making me so great. The person will ask, "How are you?" and I'll say, "Oh, I'm pretty good. Hey, guess what! I found a jillion dollar bill in my sock this morning! It was the craziest thing! I haven't even worn that sock in 12 years!" That doesn't seem like very good logic, though, because my way seems more braggish.

I think I'll just stop thinking about it and answer the question truthfully from now on:

"How are you?"

"Awkward..."