A sad realization that I've recently had is that no woman will ever love me as much as one of my cats does. Granted, this cat loves me an insane amount. When I go to visit my mom (which is where this cat lives), this cat is the happiest animal alive. It is because of this, though, that I've decided to become a crazy cat lady.* Cats are just such loving creatures. "Joe, if you want a pet that will love you, you should get a dog," is what you may or not may not be thinking. Well, dear reader, let me tell you something. I have a dog and, while she doesn't hate me, she only loves me when nobody is home. Sometimes. Actually, most times when nobody else is home, she just lays on the couch, all depressed and lethargic. I feel like she does that because it's either that or hang out with me. When I realize she's moping because I'm the only one available, I say, "Wow, Lucy - that's a great impression of...most people I know." Then she lets out a huge sigh and I say, "Okay, now it's just uncanny!"
There are 4 cats that my family owns, 1 at my dad's house (along with the dog that loves me when it's convenient for her) and 3 at my mom's. Out of these 4 cats, 3 of them love me and the other has a mental disability. I'm not just saying that because she doesn't love me. Her preferred toy is a nail (or a pin, or a needle. Really, anything that is sharp and shiny), she forgets who people are, meows constantly for no reason, is afraid of everything, and doesn't realize that she enjoys being petted. If she could remember me, I'm sure she'd love me, though. Because I am a cat person. Not just a cat person, though - I am a crazy cat lady.
*I feel like, in order to be a crazy cat lady, you need to have a minimum of 5 cats in your house at all times. That means having at least 5 cats, but they have to be all indoor cats. If you have like 8 cats, but they're outside cats (or even outside/inside cats) then you might not be a crazy cat lady, because you probably won't have 5 inside at all times. Yes, I have put way too much thought into this, but only because it is my future, and I want to do it right. My new year's resolution is to become closer to crazy cat lady status. I'm starting out strong by spending New Year's Eve with 3 cats. I'm 60% crazy cat lady. Yes, the future is bright.
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
Friday, December 13, 2013
Ajar/A Jar
A few nights ago, it was really cold. That is to be expected, since it's December, and I'm in South Dakota, which, contrary to what the name suggests, is very much in the Northern part of the country. It's kind of ironic, if you don't think about it. Anyway, I have no qualms with the cold until it messes stuff up. The stuff it messed up, I think, is the rear driver's side door on Maxwell (Maxwell is my car, for those of you just joining us). I'm not sure if the cold is the problem, but the problem just started happening when it got cold. So, there's a direct correlation between the temperature being cold and Maxwell's door acting up. Though, it's important to remember that correlation does not equal causation (see the "decrease in pirates caused global warming" graph). The problem is that the door won't shut. Or it won't latch. I'm not 100% sure on what the problem is, but I am 100% sure that it's a problem. This is the door I use to put pizzas into my car when I deliver them, but if it's not going to shut, I'm not going to use that door, which is unfortunate, because that is the most convenient door to use. So, here's what happened:
I was just about to go out on a delivery. I had the pizzas, I signed out, and I left the store. I went up to Maxwell, opened his door, put the pizzas in, and shut the door. Except it didn't shut. It was open just a tiny bit. I thought maybe the seat belt was stuck in the door, since that happens with the driver's (or "my") door. But that wasn't the case. I looked all over the door and the...doorway? Is it called a doorway on a car? It would make sense, but is that what it's called? Anyway, the answer was not there, either. It wasn't a huge deal, though. It wasn't going to fly open, but it was going to let cold air in. Also I wasn't really sure it wasn't going to fly open, so this was actually pretty nerve-racking for me. I decided to shut it as best as I could and then lock it. It made sense to me that locking it would keep it shut, even if it wasn't actually shut. This works for a few deliveries: I use the rear passenger door instead and do nothing with the broken one. But then, after delivering a pizza, I went back to my car and the door was ajar!* "Oh, man," I thought, disheartened. "Maxwell, you're broken." Defeated, I shut the door one last time. And it actually shut. I had fixed Maxwell! I didn't use that door for the rest of the night, but I have since then and it is definitely fixed! "I am a mechanic!" I proudly exclaimed, and then was embarrassed that I had proudly exclaimed that.
*I never miss an opportunity to teach, and this is one of those opportunities. Notice how the word "ajar" is just that - one word. This is different from "a jar" which means...well, it means a jar. "Ajar" means slightly open, which is what my door was. My door was not a jar. That would've completely thrown me off and I don't think I'd have been able to fix Maxwell. Likewise, the word "apart" is very different from "a part." In fact, those two are actually opposites. If you were "apart" of something, you weren't involved in it. At all. And actually you would have been apart from that something. Now, if you were "a part" of something, you were a part...of it... It's really not that difficult. I get furious every time I see something like, "What a great group of people. I'm so glad I could be apart of it!" on Facebook. It's actually more infuriating than the comment that says, "Me to!" and the other one that says, "Aww, I wish I was their!"
I was just about to go out on a delivery. I had the pizzas, I signed out, and I left the store. I went up to Maxwell, opened his door, put the pizzas in, and shut the door. Except it didn't shut. It was open just a tiny bit. I thought maybe the seat belt was stuck in the door, since that happens with the driver's (or "my") door. But that wasn't the case. I looked all over the door and the...doorway? Is it called a doorway on a car? It would make sense, but is that what it's called? Anyway, the answer was not there, either. It wasn't a huge deal, though. It wasn't going to fly open, but it was going to let cold air in. Also I wasn't really sure it wasn't going to fly open, so this was actually pretty nerve-racking for me. I decided to shut it as best as I could and then lock it. It made sense to me that locking it would keep it shut, even if it wasn't actually shut. This works for a few deliveries: I use the rear passenger door instead and do nothing with the broken one. But then, after delivering a pizza, I went back to my car and the door was ajar!* "Oh, man," I thought, disheartened. "Maxwell, you're broken." Defeated, I shut the door one last time. And it actually shut. I had fixed Maxwell! I didn't use that door for the rest of the night, but I have since then and it is definitely fixed! "I am a mechanic!" I proudly exclaimed, and then was embarrassed that I had proudly exclaimed that.
*I never miss an opportunity to teach, and this is one of those opportunities. Notice how the word "ajar" is just that - one word. This is different from "a jar" which means...well, it means a jar. "Ajar" means slightly open, which is what my door was. My door was not a jar. That would've completely thrown me off and I don't think I'd have been able to fix Maxwell. Likewise, the word "apart" is very different from "a part." In fact, those two are actually opposites. If you were "apart" of something, you weren't involved in it. At all. And actually you would have been apart from that something. Now, if you were "a part" of something, you were a part...of it... It's really not that difficult. I get furious every time I see something like, "What a great group of people. I'm so glad I could be apart of it!" on Facebook. It's actually more infuriating than the comment that says, "Me to!" and the other one that says, "Aww, I wish I was their!"
Saturday, December 7, 2013
Awkward Family Photos
On Black Friday, the big thing is shopping the sales, yes? And it's usually crazy busy at stores on this day, yes? Yes. To both of those. However, my family decided it would be a good idea to get some family photos taken. At J.C. Penney's. When I learned this, I wasn't so sure how good of an idea that was, since it was probably going to be pretty busy. You know, with all the people shopping. Since it's a store. And it's Black Friday. In my step-mom's defense, though, she made the appointment a few months ago and didn't realize it was going to be Black Friday. She just knew it was around Thanksgiving and that the whole family would be home.
Turns out, though, that it was, indeed, pretty busy, but it wasn't hectic since our appointment wasn't until like 1:00 or something. We got there pretty early, like at 12:15, so we decided to shop a little bit. And good thing we did! I found some awesome slippers that were originally $30 but were on sale for $20. That's not all, though. When they were rung up, they came up as only $15! Crazy, right?! I know. That was the highlight of my day, for sure. Fortunately, that is not the highlight of this post.
Anyway, the photos, and the awkwardness that accompanied them. The family was my dad, my step-mom, my brothers, my sister, and me. So, it's our turn for pictures. The photographer takes us into the room, looks at my dad and step-mom and says, "So...grandma and grandpa?" Oh. Oh no. Oh, please, no. My dad and step-mom quickly and simultaneously informed her that they were dad and mom, respectively. There was a palpable sense of awkwardness throughout the whole photo shoot after that.
I was also a little offended, because, just continuing on down this photographer's perception of our family tree, I would be married to my sister. Last time I checked, this J.C. Penney's wasn't in Alabama. It's always a little unfortunate when that is assumed, and I feel like it's assumed every time I go anywhere with my sister. I mean, we're both pretty attractive people relatively close in age, so I understand why it happens. But still. My sister is pretty much the worst wingman ever, and she doesn't even know it.
Turns out, though, that it was, indeed, pretty busy, but it wasn't hectic since our appointment wasn't until like 1:00 or something. We got there pretty early, like at 12:15, so we decided to shop a little bit. And good thing we did! I found some awesome slippers that were originally $30 but were on sale for $20. That's not all, though. When they were rung up, they came up as only $15! Crazy, right?! I know. That was the highlight of my day, for sure. Fortunately, that is not the highlight of this post.
Anyway, the photos, and the awkwardness that accompanied them. The family was my dad, my step-mom, my brothers, my sister, and me. So, it's our turn for pictures. The photographer takes us into the room, looks at my dad and step-mom and says, "So...grandma and grandpa?" Oh. Oh no. Oh, please, no. My dad and step-mom quickly and simultaneously informed her that they were dad and mom, respectively. There was a palpable sense of awkwardness throughout the whole photo shoot after that.
I was also a little offended, because, just continuing on down this photographer's perception of our family tree, I would be married to my sister. Last time I checked, this J.C. Penney's wasn't in Alabama. It's always a little unfortunate when that is assumed, and I feel like it's assumed every time I go anywhere with my sister. I mean, we're both pretty attractive people relatively close in age, so I understand why it happens. But still. My sister is pretty much the worst wingman ever, and she doesn't even know it.
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