Late Night Coke and A Happy New Year

This post is a product of poor choices. It was actually one choice, but it was poor on two accounts. The choice was to crack open a can of Diet Coke at 1 in the morning. It was poor because it's pop and it's 1 in the morning. It was also poor because what I wanted was Coke, but all we had was diet, and I figured it couldn't be too different. It totally is, and whoever prefers Diet Coke over actual Coke is lamesauce.

Since I'm disgusted by this pop and not tired at all, I figured I should write something, but listing my poor life choices seems depressing, especially considering it's a new year and everything is going to change! That's a bunch of bologna if you ask me. I don't think you'll make more money at your job just because it's 2013, or that you'll lose 20 pounds, or whatever you're expecting to happen. The only thing that's going to change for me is that I'll mess up writing checks for a few days. All right, all right, realistically it'll be a few months before I get the date right, but whatever. If your life sucked yesterday, it probably sucked today, too. And it'll probably suck tomorrow.

I think my resolution should be becoming less negative. Or more positive! (it's already working!)

Actually, I think I'm just grumpy because this Diet Coke is so disappointing. It keeps getting worse and worse with every sip. A sip is all I can handle at one time, too. It feels like the can is getting heavier every time I pick it up. Every time I take a sip my stomach makes an angry/sad noise. I just nod in understanding. I think the Diet Coke is disintegrating my mouth because my mouth feels burnt, and I taste what I imagine to be dying taste buds. This is worse than eating Ramen Noodles. I'd rather drink gravy. Or corn syrup. I just burped and it was the worst burp I ever did burp. Diet Coke is the reason I never go on diets. I need to brush my teeth for an hour just so I can breathe without fear of tasting Diet Coke. I'm just going to drink the tears that this sad excuse for a pop has made me cry.