Lil' Hands/Extra Credit Rap

I'm lucky enough to have extra credit opportunities for my preschool teaching class. Normally, I wouldn't take advantage of these because I'm arrogant enough to think that I don't need extra credit, because I should get an A regardless of extra credit. However, I was invited by some of my fellow student teachers to attend one recently, so I obliged. The extra credit opportunity was a "rap battle" of sorts. Not your typical rap battle, where people rap at each other and then people vote on who's better. Rather, this is a tournament-style rap battle, where a bunch of rappers have been placed in a bracket (like March Madness!) and then people listen to a song by each rapper and vote on which one was better. It's a pretty interesting concept, and I actually think it's pretty cool.

Anyway, I went to one of these, and let me tell you, it gets pretty heated. The one matchup we had was 50 Cent v. Young Jeezy. I've actually heard of both of these guys, which is saying something considering just how white I am. I don't remember the names of the songs we listened to, but the vote went to triple overtime because it was tied for the first two rounds. I had opinions on why 50 Cent should win, but I kept them to myself. You know, since I'm super white and there were people who actually liked rap and understood/appreciated it present. My reasoning for voting for 50 Cent was, and I quote, "........." That's what I voiced, anyway. Inside, though, I was screaming my opinions. "Well, the samples from both rappers were narratives, but I feel like 50 Cent's was also a message, and more meaningful and personal than Young Jeezy's. Jeezy is more of the typical and mainstream rapper of "Oh, look at me, I get all da ladies and do all da crimes and do all da drugs, which makes me awesome," while 50 Cent is real, ya know? And it sounds like he's sending a message to other rappers/people who are kind of fake (i.e. Young Jeezy) to stop being fake." I didn't say that, though, because I know nothing about rap and didn't want to get called out in that regard.

I would like to point out, though, some of the things in which I was disappointed. First of all, Andre 3000 lost his first round matchup. I don't know against whom it was, and frankly, I don't care. Andre 3000 should've won and the whole bracket lost credibility when he lost. Also, I didn't see rappers such as 50 Tyson, Supa Hot Fire, or Lil Hands anywhere on the bracket (However, I didn't see Lil Wayne, either, so credibility was restored). Lil Hands (who is actually me) wrote such hits as "Rap Sucks" and "Unnamed Rap." If you're wondering, they go as such, respectively:

Uhhh
My name's Joe Russell

Not jacked with muscle

But the hustle and bustle of speech is a beach. 

Now that was kind of a reach

But I'd sell my soul for some rhymes

Get paid in gold or in dimes

Or in nothing at all

That's why I'm here in Hanson Hall

And I'm in no position

To be chargin' admission

So you can sit in and listen

To the Joe Russell show

Cuz I spit it and flow

All the way to the top

Cuz I'm the cream of the crop

I'm the best under the sun
Yeah, I'm Joe Russell

And I'm numbah one.

I'm Lil Hands

I'm the man with the plan

If you need to find me

You know where I am

I'm at the Shores of S-A

Almost everyday

Workin' real hard to get my pay

And I got this gangsta tune

That makes the ladies swoon

And I grab my delight in the afternoon

Too smelly to nap

Too tired to shower

This is my dilemma during power hour

Why not do both

I don't have time

So instead I sit down and I Busta Rhyme

I'm GI Joe cuz I spit it and flow

I'm the Energizer Bunny cuz I go go go

I won't stop til you know

It's the Lil Hands show

I'll give you some

Make you want some mo'.

The first one I wrote and performed for my speech class my sophomore year. Obviously, I got an A on that speech. The premise of the speech was that mainstream rap sucks. What I wrote was the exaggerate the narcisism that mainstream rappers have and how their rhymes are whack, yo. The second one I wrote at camp, as a member of Komik Sanz, the all-camp rap group featuring Lil Hands (that's me), Dub FD (that's Kris, who was the waterfront directer (waterfront directer, Dub FD...get it?) and Young Medic (that's Drew, who was the health aide). We never performed, but we could've, and it would've been glorious.