Friday, August 30, 2013

Fixing Tim Tebow

I want to be a coach someday, and, as a coach, it will be my job to figure out why a player isn't performing well. Granted, I will, ideally, be a basketball coach, and therefore have no business assessing football players (especially NFL players). However, I believe I have identified Tim Tebow's problem, and it has a very easy fix.

First of all, for those of you who may not know who Tim Tebow is (my sister is really the only person I can think of who may not know who Tim Tebow is), let me fill you in. Tim Tebow is a current (for now. He might get cut on Saturday), left-handed, NFL quarterback for the New England Patriots. He went to college at Florida and was wildly successful there. He even won the Heisman Trophy in 2007, which is kind of like the Most Valuable Player of college football. However, his throwing mechanics are poor. That means he looks goofy when he throws the ball compared to people who do it right. NFL scouts said he'd be a mid-round draft pick, and probably wouldn't succeed in the NFL. Former (at the time, current) Denver Broncos head coach, Josh McDaniels, however, really liked Tim Tebow. Enough to make him the 25th overall selection in the 2010 NFL draft.

In his rookie season, Tebow started a few games and came off the bench to play in a few games, as well. He didn't throw very well, but he ran the ball very effectively. The following year, Tebow, again, began as the backup. The Broncos started out 1-4, though, and had very bad quarterback play from Kyle Orton. Head Coach John Fox (Josh McDaniels accepted a job with a different team, which was kind of a jerk move - he wasted a first round pick on an awful quarterback and then just left) announced that Tim Tebow would start the 6th game of the season after almost leading a comeback the previous week. Thus began a stretch of comebacks led by Tebow. The term "Tebow Time" was widely used to describe the second half of the fourth quarter. Tebow and his magical left arm led the Broncos into the playoffs in 2011, and they even won a playoff game. Not only that, but it was thanks to Tebow, as he threw the game winning touchdown pass on the first play in overtime.

The following offseason, though, the Broncos signed future Hall of Famer, Peyton Manning, to be their new quarterback. They, then, traded away Tebow to the incompetent New York Jets for a fourth round pick and a sixth round pick (the Jets also got a seventh round pick), which is way more than what he is worth as far as a player. Tebow struggled to find playing time, despite the fact that the Jets' quarterback was Mark Sanchez, who is also horrible. After the season, the Jets released Tebow, and the Patriots signed him. Now, on the verge of NFL extinction, Tebow needs some help, and I am the one to offer it to him. But first, a story:

The other day, I was playing baseball with my brother, Liam. I was pitching him balls and he was hitting. Then, just to mix things up, I threw a pitch left-handed. It was awful. It didn't go anywhere near where I wanted it to go. I looked really goofy compared to people who throw correctly, too. Just like Tim Tebow. Then it dawned on me: TIM TEBOW IS RIGHT HANDED!

That's right. Tim Tebow is actually right handed. He just doesn't know it. Tim, if you're reading this, just try throwing right handed. I'll accept $1,000,000 as thanks for saving your career. You're welcome, buddy.

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