On Kneeling, The Flag, and BLM

I realize I'm probably not going to change any minds with this post. I'm not even really sure why I'm writing it, given that knowledge. But, I've seen the same stupid arguments in regards to NFL players kneeling/sitting/stretching, anything but standing, during the anthem before their football games. I'd like to try to explain what's happening using analogies or metaphors (I was never good at figuring out which one was which - I know one uses 'like' or 'as' to compare, but I never remember which one), because I think that makes things easier. Now, if I'm way off-base here, which I very well might be given the fact that I'm as white as you can be, please fill me in on how I am off-base. Seriously, though. Think of all the white stereotypes and you have me: unathletic, owns cargo shorts, privileged, the list goes on.

Okay, first, we're going to start with Black Lives Matter, because people still are saying, "No, ALL lives matter!" Okay, buddy. Yes, all lives matter, but black people are the ones being shown their lives don't matter. You know what happened in Houston with Hurricane Harvey (and a lot of cities in Florida and literally all of Puerto Rico thanks to Hurricane Irma, but for simplicity's sake, we're going to focus on Houston, here)? Pretty awful, right? Lots of people donated time and money to help out, and those that couldn't maybe prayed for Houston, which is great! Saying "All lives matter!" would be like saying, "I'm not going to pray for Houston because ALL cities matter." Doesn't that sound stupid? Like, yeah, all cities matter, but which one needs help right now? The ironic thing about saying all lives matter is that it's the argument to black lives matter. Like, you're actually not including black lives in "all lives." "What about blue lives?" First of all, people aren't blue, but that's pretty nit-picky on my part. Second of all, these ideas don't go hand in hand here. You can truly grieve all of the police officers who lose their lives in the line of duty and still be upset that some officers are racists and not very good at their jobs, and want that to get better. It's not a "love all of 'em or hate all of 'em" kind of deal. Another way of looking at "Black lives matter," is by imagining a ", too," at the end of it, so it reads, "Black lives matter, too." Nowhere do they say "Only black lives matter." I think it's funny that liberals get labeled as "snowflakes" but...nah, I better not.

Okay, now to the kneeling. I've got a couple metagies (that's a combo word comprised of 'metaphor' and 'analogy' in case you were wondering. Yes, I made it up. There's a red line under it right now) for this one. Let's do a football one! You've got your favorite team, right, and let's say they're actually pretty good. They had a good season, going...let's say 10-6. Or maybe they won the division, let's give 'em 11 wins. 11-5. That's a good year! You won the division, made the playoffs! Nice work! But, uh-oh, your team lost in the divisional round. You say, "Man, I love this team! I will always root for this team! But if they could just upgrade at wide receiver, that'd put them over the top! They could win the Super Bowl!" That's a logical statement. Your team has crappy wide receivers and an upgrade would make the team so much better! But then all the other fans of your team say, "No! This team is the greatest team in the league! It's fine the way it is! IF YOU DON'T LIKE THIS TEAM, THEN YOU CAN FIND A NEW TEAM TO ROOT FOR!" Whoa. Wait a minute, that's aggressive. You just want the team to realize it's full potential, right? You love the team, it's a great team, but you know it can be even better, right? You don't hate the team, you're not disrespecting the team, you're just trying to make it better. That's like the players kneeling during the anthem! They don't hate America, or the troops, or the flag. They hate racial inequality. The kneeling was actually a compromise up from sitting to show deference to the troops! Whoa - curveball, right?! Sorry, I'm mixing my sports metagies.

Okay, let's do a parenting one next. This one's a lot shorter and less detailed. You've got a kid. Your kid does something you don't like - something really naughty. Poops on the floor, maybe, or kicks you in the shins. Let's say poops on the floor because that one's funnier. It's a chronic problem. Your kid just keeps pooping on the floor and you don't like it. Are you going to get rid of your kid? What?! Of course not! That's ridiculous! You're going to teach your kid to poop in the toilet!

This one might be more difficult to understand so I'll lay it out for ya:
Your kid = America
You = minority NFL player
Your kid pooping on the floor = police brutality towards minorities and other inequalities
The suggestion to get rid of your kid = The suggestion to live somewhere else
Teaching your kid where to poop = Raising awareness to police brutality and other inequalities

Now to just explain a few things about the protests. First of all, the suggestion that these players are selfish babies, or ungrateful, is probably the dumbest take you can have on this whole situation. The protest isn't about the players. They realize they're getting paid millions to play a game and that can't happen anywhere else except America. Unless they wanted to play a different game, then it could happen in Europe, Asia, South America, Australia...pretty much any where else. The protest is about inequality as a whole, not necessarily towards these players, but to other minorities in the country. And how is Colin Kaepernick selfish? Is he making money off of this? No! This is selfless, not selfish. He lost his job because of this (yeah, I know he opted out of his contract, but SF 49ers GM, John Lynch, has said that Kaepernick would've been cut if he hadn't opted out, AND he still doesn't have a job because of his protesting - don't tell me it's because he's terrible because there's no way you can make a case for each of the 64 rostered quarterbacks in the NFL).
Secondly, it's not an anti-troops, anti-America, anti-police, or even an anti-flag protest. It's an anti-inequality protest. Or just an inequality protest, I'm not sure the correct way to say it...they're protesting because there's inequality. They are against inequality. Again, it's not about them, so don't say, "INEQUALITY?! They get paid millions to play a game!" They'd like to make the country better than it currently is! How is that bad?! You know who else wants to make the country better than it currently is? Donald Trump does, and he doesn't even think it's great right now! He'd like to make it great again, as in, it's not right now. And may I say, he's doing a fine job of that so far. Great work, Mr. President... On that note, how come 45 can say America is not great and be applauded for it, but when NFL players say it's not great, they are "Sons of bitches," and should leave the country? Is it...is it because they're black? Would them leaving the country make America great again? I bet 45 thinks so.

Okay, sorry, I got a little sidetracked there. Now, here's some facts about respecting the flag!
According to the US Flag Code (yes, that's a real thing) Chapter 10, "the flag should never be carried flat or horizontally" like it is during the anthem of many football games. Kneeling during that seems patriotic, then, since they're not acknowledging the disrespected flag. Also in Chapter 10 - which is all about respecting the flag - "The flag should never be used as wearing apparel, bedding, or drapery," and "The flag should never be used for advertising purposes in any manner whatsoever." Also, "No part of the flag should ever be used as a costume or athletic uniform." What you will not find in regards to respect for the flag in the US Flag Code is standing/kneeling/sitting. That is considered a conduct violation, but not disrespectful. the US Flag Code states that you should stand, but you don't have to. So, IF YOU'RE MAD ABOUT DISRESPECTING THE FLAG, FIND SOMEONE ELSE TO BE MAD AT - THESE PLAYERS ARE NOT DISRESPECTING THE FLAG. 

One last thing (I think). "My relatives died for that flag!" Um, were they playing capture the flag? Is this Halo? No, they didn't die for the flag. They didn't even fight for the flag. They fought for the freedoms and rights of the country that flag represents. Or maybe they fought to protect loved ones, instead. I hope it's for one of those reasons, anyway. Here's a hot take for ya: those that are kneeling are actually extremely patriotic because they are exercising these rights in an attempt to make America a better place for black people, too.

Fixing Tim Tebow

I want to be a coach someday, and, as a coach, it will be my job to figure out why a player isn't performing well. Granted, I will, ideally, be a basketball coach, and therefore have no business assessing football players (especially NFL players). However, I believe I have identified Tim Tebow's problem, and it has a very easy fix.

First of all, for those of you who may not know who Tim Tebow is (my sister is really the only person I can think of who may not know who Tim Tebow is), let me fill you in. Tim Tebow is a current (for now. He might get cut on Saturday), left-handed, NFL quarterback for the New England Patriots. He went to college at Florida and was wildly successful there. He even won the Heisman Trophy in 2007, which is kind of like the Most Valuable Player of college football. However, his throwing mechanics are poor. That means he looks goofy when he throws the ball compared to people who do it right. NFL scouts said he'd be a mid-round draft pick, and probably wouldn't succeed in the NFL. Former (at the time, current) Denver Broncos head coach, Josh McDaniels, however, really liked Tim Tebow. Enough to make him the 25th overall selection in the 2010 NFL draft.

In his rookie season, Tebow started a few games and came off the bench to play in a few games, as well. He didn't throw very well, but he ran the ball very effectively. The following year, Tebow, again, began as the backup. The Broncos started out 1-4, though, and had very bad quarterback play from Kyle Orton. Head Coach John Fox (Josh McDaniels accepted a job with a different team, which was kind of a jerk move - he wasted a first round pick on an awful quarterback and then just left) announced that Tim Tebow would start the 6th game of the season after almost leading a comeback the previous week. Thus began a stretch of comebacks led by Tebow. The term "Tebow Time" was widely used to describe the second half of the fourth quarter. Tebow and his magical left arm led the Broncos into the playoffs in 2011, and they even won a playoff game. Not only that, but it was thanks to Tebow, as he threw the game winning touchdown pass on the first play in overtime.

The following offseason, though, the Broncos signed future Hall of Famer, Peyton Manning, to be their new quarterback. They, then, traded away Tebow to the incompetent New York Jets for a fourth round pick and a sixth round pick (the Jets also got a seventh round pick), which is way more than what he is worth as far as a player. Tebow struggled to find playing time, despite the fact that the Jets' quarterback was Mark Sanchez, who is also horrible. After the season, the Jets released Tebow, and the Patriots signed him. Now, on the verge of NFL extinction, Tebow needs some help, and I am the one to offer it to him. But first, a story:

The other day, I was playing baseball with my brother, Liam. I was pitching him balls and he was hitting. Then, just to mix things up, I threw a pitch left-handed. It was awful. It didn't go anywhere near where I wanted it to go. I looked really goofy compared to people who throw correctly, too. Just like Tim Tebow. Then it dawned on me: TIM TEBOW IS RIGHT HANDED!

That's right. Tim Tebow is actually right handed. He just doesn't know it. Tim, if you're reading this, just try throwing right handed. I'll accept $1,000,000 as thanks for saving your career. You're welcome, buddy.

All-NFL Fail Team

My friend, Aaron Sundmark (AKA Sunny) just texted me with this idea, and I thought it was fantastic. I don't know how many of you have watched NFL football this year, but there have been some pretty lackluster performances this year. Personally, I'd like to just elect the Packers as the epitome of NFL fail teams given their early exit in the playoffs, but I have to put personal feelings aside. I would feel bad for them because I know what it's like to have the best team and then underachieve in the playoffs (See: 1998 Vikings, 2009 Vikings (though 2009 was a culmination of obvious favoritism by the refs ("New Orleans is the team of Destiny!" *barf* More like team of cheap shots and complete lack of sportsmanship, amiright?) and horrendous ball control), but they're the Packers, and I had to deal with "We're the best team EVARRRR," and "Green Bay dynasty is back!" and "How many championships have the Vikings won?" and "Derpty-derp de teedly herpty derpty do" all year. I am definitely savoring these weeks before the Vikings inevitably mess up the draft and are placed on the pedestal of failure for all to laugh at and mock. Wow, that was quite the unanticipated rant. Sorry. Without further adieu, the 2011-2012 All-NFL Fail Team.

QB - Donovan McNabb/Mark Sanchez. The McNabb experiment, predictably, was a complete failure for the Vikings. He was awful, then got benched, then got placed on waivers where nobody claimed him. As for Mark Sanchez, well, he's never been good; this is just the first year people besides me finally figured that out.

RB - Marion Barber III. Barber pretty much single-handedly lost that game against Denver late in the season. He ran out of bounds when the Bears were trying to run the clock out. Then in overtime, he fumbled, which set Denver up for the game-winning field-goal.

WR - Lee Evans. This one is hard, because he's on here for his dropped TD yesterday. I personally thought he caught it, and it should've been a TD. Still, though, you gotta hang on to that, Lee!

WR - Chad Ochocinco. Seriously, what happened to Chad? 15 receptions for 276 yards and one TD...for the whole season. This is a guy who, a few years ago, had the ability to get those numbers in one game.

WR - Bernard Berrian. He was garbage before this year, but if you get cut from the Vikings, that's a pretty big fail.

TE - Jermichael Finley. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if he had more drops than receptions this year. If he would drop a few letters from "Jermichael," he'd have a normal name, so, fail for his name, too.

OL - 49er's unit. Alex Smith was sacked more than any QB in the NFL. I know it's not all the offensive line's fault, but it's mostly their fault.

Defense (I'm not analytical enough to find TD's allowed for CB's, or missed tackles for LB's, etc, so I'm just going to pick a defense that was very underwhelming as a whole and pick them) - Packers/Patriots/Buccaneers. The two worst defenses as far as YPG goes, and the worst defense as far as PPG goes, respectively. Bucs were also third worst in YPG, so if I had to pick just one defense (which I don't because it's my list, so they're my rules, too), I'd pick Tampa as the worst defense.

K - Billy Cundiff. Oh man. This one hurts a lot. Remember how I mentioned the 1998 Vikings? Well, in the NFC championship game that year, Gary Andersen missed two kicks that would've ended up winning us the game, after not missing a single kick the whole year. I know how it feels, Baltimore fans, but that doesn't make it any less of a fail.

P - I have no idea here. Can I use that Giants punter from last year who punted to DeSean Jackson? Yes, I can, because they're my rules.

KR/PR - Kyle Williams. That's the 49er's return man. The one who fumbled a punt in overtime to set up the game winning field goal for the Giants. Yup. Epic Fail.

You got a problem with this list? Let me know. I did probably a total of five minutes of research on this and absolutely no use of my memory.